There are few things in life more bizarre than Brian Blessed’s appearance on All-Star Family Fortunes. The game show format has become so outdated that the only way to sustain the audience’s attention these days is to stick the word ‘Celebrity’ in front of it.
This irritates me. It’s the equivalent to TV Mutton – it’s Brenda from Stockport dressed as Gavin Henson against her own volition (she never was a fan of the fake tan).
It’s rare you see Brenda on game shows these days (bar Deal or No Deal, a general anomaly). On shows like Family Fortunes you get to meet her husband, brother and second cousin in the bargain. Now “real life” families are found on dire reality TV shows such as Jeremy Kyle. Look at you, you disgusting excuse for a poor person!
While ill and browsing mid-afternoon television, my knee-jerk reaction to All Star Family Fortunes was to switch off before it further infected my head. No sooner had I reached for the remote than the eccentric Blesseds' appeared on-screen. I have always found Brian’s booming voice amusing; I was soon shamelessly cheering them on to ‘Big Money’ and beyond.
“Name something that moves very slowly,” Vernon enquired.
Brian thought for a moment.
“The MOON!” he boomed, provoking much laughter from The Kay.
“It’s a poem!” Brian justified, proceeding to quote literary genius.
“Brian, this is Family Fortunes, it’s the equivalent to The Beano!” The top answer read ‘Snail’… he wasn’t wrong.
The above dialogue didn’t stop the Blesseds from reaching the final – sadly they failed to score full points (he thought people kept yoghurt in the freezer and that it snowed predominantly in November, oh Brian). Nonetheless I was entertained and glad not to see another hollow celeb on screen for a change.
Next up: Jeremy Kyle on Countdown:
“I only managed four with these pathetic excuses for letters: S-C-U-M!”