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Slippery soap opera
“So Madge spoke to Harold…” Neighbours. Always about The Neighbours. My friend Sarah is attempting to explain her Great Analogy on...
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Oxford Circus clown
There’s a furniture shop on the high street where I grew up that I’m not sure is a furniture shop at all. In all the years of me passing...
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Air con artist
‘I am the manager of this hotel!’ We are sitting opposite the manager of the hotel. ‘We arrived back last night to find we had no air...
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Dried fruit loop
I began the long trek down the dried fruit aisle. “Hey! You used to work here, didn’t you?” “Excuse me?” I turned to see a man in his...
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Yellow mellowed
I always feel a bit queasy at commercialism’s attempts to associate itself with anything other than money. Take all adverts, for example....
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Kindle-itis
Oh, it was everywhere this Christmas. Everyone caught it. You couldn’t avoid it. You’d stand next to someone who had it, trying to resist...
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Christmas cracked
‘Christmas Day is an annual commemoration of the birth of Jesus Christ’. So why, Wikipedia, does Jesus think I need a plastic harmonica?...
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Blegging for it
First day of new job. Panic! What to wear? Must buy outfit. Off to shopping centre. Go! Where to? Ahh – the green lights. It must be M&S....
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Colgate-gate
When High Street chemist Boots opened its doors in 1849, it was a modest, quietly confident sort of place attracting well-dressed...
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Irritation of life
Look at this man. I challenge you to find someone half as attractive post 1959. You will lose – it’s written all over his face. This...
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Blessed fortune
There are few things in life more bizarre than Brian Blessed’s appearance on All-Star Family Fortunes. The game show format has become so...
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Ashes to bashes
Forgive my black humour but it is not often I pick up The Metro and come away ironically cheerful. Yesterday proved the exception. So...
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