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Irritation of life

Updated: Sep 3, 2018

"Wait till they see me in colour"

Look at this man. I challenge you to find someone half as attractive post 1959. You will lose – it’s written all over his face.

This ridiculously good-looking individual is an actor called John Gavin. So good-looking, in fact, he was lined up to play James Bond before people discovered he was a bit, you know, American. Turns out not even looks can hide an accent.

Go back a few years and Gavin is in high demand on the silver screen, starring in Hollywood epics such as Spartacus and Psycho. But now to discuss the one I saw this evening: Imitation of Life. Or should that be irritation?

Every single person in that film was sickeningly handsome. Lana Turner, who plays struggling Broadway actress Lora Meredith, couldn’t walk out her flat for the cameos falling at her lipstick while showgirl actress Ann Robinson makes ginger almost becoming (not that Anne).

Even Gavin’s alter ego, ‘Steve’, was simultaneously able to rid and ride the connotations of his name (Van Driver, if you will). Though I still think ‘Harry’ or ‘Clark’ would have been more apt: ‘Oh, Harry, your side parting and head tilts just made me forget my lines!’ etc.

The only person hit with the ugly stick was the poor milkman who looked as if he’d just left Budgens and taken a wrong turn onto a 1950’s film set.

I wonder what Steve & Co. would have thought of our unholy modern-day celebrities? As I wrote here:

Remember the glamorous stars of yesteryear, how boring were they? You’d never read about Judy Garland’s ‘crazy antics’ in St Lucia, or Clark Gable’s fashion faux pas as he nipped out for a pint of milk.

Someone pass me the hair curlers, I’m off to Asda.

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